REVERIES

Thursday, September 28, 2017

rev·er·ie

ˈrev(ə)rē/

noun

A state of being pleasantly lost in one's thoughts; a daydream.

In the book I´m reading, the main character is someone I feel to be very like me, if not identical in the way he thinks.

That feeling has made the book quite personal, for when Amory (the protagonist) discovers things about himself, or more correctly, it told things about his character, is as if I´m being told things about my character, because in many ways, the traits attributed to Amory, are traits that can be found in my person. And I don´t want to make Amory look like a flawless character, because the defects in his persona, are the things that make him so similar to me, take this bit for instance, in which he asks Clara (A women with whom he falls in love – and someone that in my mind looks very similar to Violet, as I asume many girls in the book will appear to me.) to describe him, something I often do as well to people or women I have affections towards. So when Clara answers she says this,

"You have tremendous vanity, but it´ll amuse the people who notice it´s preponderance. You´re really humble at heart. You sink to the third hell of depression when you think you have been slithed. In fact, you haven´t much self-respect. The reason you have so little real self-confidence, even though you gravely announce to the occasional philistine that you think you´re a genius, is that you´ve attributed all sorts of atrocious faults to yourself and are trying to live up to them."

I think I give so much weight to this words and this book, because I feel as if I need to ask those questions, and to get those sort of answers, to have someone like Clara –Someone like Violet or Monse – someone with whom I have a strong connection, someone who´ll tell me who I am, with and without my masks... maybe so I can move forward, or maybe so I can be who I really am. But the problem with that being that I don´t know at the present moment... Who I am.