Imagined Romanticism.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

I've found myself romanticizing the idea of love, especially the idea of falling in love with someone I've never met before. I assume this is something everyone has done from time to time, seeing themselves paired with a person they actually don't know. I feel this is brilliant, it fills me, it gives me hope, and makes me feel inspired, for what is love? But a romanticized idea of someone, but it also breaks me, it leaves me hollow, it shatters me, and that's not bad, it just means I'm actually feeling something. The catch is that, it may not be real, maybe what you feel for that someone you don't know is made up out of necessity just so you can feel something. So if you have a special man or woman, that you desire, it is only natural that you would magnify them inside your mind. I often do this, and I do not know what to think of it. There's a girl in particular on which I usually project my feelings... it's funny, I really don't remember how I came to know about her, maybe I saw her picture on a newspaper (as if someone my age actually read them, ha!), maybe I saw her face in a picture on Instagram (look, now that seems plausible), or maybe...I saw her face on a dream (this has actually happened to me), whatever it was, I found her to be amazing since the first time I imagined her personality, (now this bit is kinda wierd) I can empathize with basically anyone, so I empathized with her, I saw her, I knew her, I understood who she was... is, and fell in love. Is that mad? To fall for someone I made in my mind? Or is it romantic that I could fall for her without having to meet her? Maybe it's both, maybe is neither. 

But who am I kidding, the point of doing this is so I can forget about it in the morning, so I can read a romantic quote on tumblr and have someone to relate it to, so I can hear rock and feel the music, so I can watch a movie and share a sentiment, So I can read a book and have a way to understand why a man wrecks his life for the woman he loves. I fall in love with the impossible girl everyday, so the lyrics of Blind Pilot don't feel shallow, I fall in love with the impossible girl everyday, so I have someone to write about, I fall in love with the impossible girl everyday, so I can imagine her voice whispering in my ear, and I fall in love with the impossible girl everyday, because I actually believe I can meet her, and fall for her in the world outside my mind.


In the end, I think we fall in love with people we don't know so we can project onto them the parts we find missing on ourselves, maybe in our wicked imagination, they will make us whole. So I'm going to find my impossible girl, and make myself whole, if you don't mind.

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