Ideas, thoughts, afterthoughts, and memories.

Saturday, March 19, 2016

Words, Sentences, Paragraphs all meaningless, all so full of shit, of thoughts I so long ago forgot. I´ve been thinking so much about the past in recent times, and especially in a chapter, in which I was so different, in the chapter in which I met her. All seemed chaotic, but in that rumble of things I found order, I felt my life was jazz, not knowing how anything came to happened  and not knowing where everything was going, all there was, was the moment, the simple decisions, yes or no, there was no room for caring about the future.

Good decisions, bad decisions, everything was okay, as long as it was interesting, as long as it meant something for yourself, when the fuck did we forgot about that. About wanting to feel, more that we wanted to comprehend, when did it become more important to understand something, than the fact that it was actually being felt.

What happened to the wannabe writers in my school that forgot how to type a feeling for the convenience of having where to be employed? what happened to the brilliant painters I met, that cannot recall how to portray a beautiful sentiment, for the so call pleasures of adulthood? and what happened to the gorgeous dreamers, that inspired me to be who I am today, that decided that sleeping was more effective for just resting?

What happened to the young that suddenly become old for the promise of wisdom, when is wisdom the one wasted on old people, for they can only lose it.

Ideas, thoughts, afterthoughts, memories that we cannot fathom how is it that they became the past, how everything went by so fast. How days, became months, how years became single moments in our mind that we can barely catalog. Everyone told us to be so preoccupied with the future, that we neglected the fact that the present was passing us by, and when we realized what had occurred we were already saying goodbye to many people that we thought were going to be in the same story as us but were, in fact, taking a detour to some other one. And all we´re left with is the past that we can barely recall.

Is funny, how all these thoughts rushed back to my mind after I thought of her, the cute redhead that turned me into... well... me, the girl who made me get time, get how dangerous it was, how mischievous, how unfair, how she showed me the power of a smile, and the weight of a phrase as simple as ¨everything will be fine¨. And how if you actually concentrate on the present, you can feel every single fragment of the past, when it becomes the past. And maybe a thing about the past is that it can be romanticized, you look back and you see it beautiful, and that becomes real, because the past is what you make of it, so when I think about Violet, I see the most brilliant, fantastic, and beautiful girl there´s ever been. Someone that after 5 years can still make me nervous to talk to, someone that after all that time, can still make me smile with a single thought, someone that in my head will always be perfect, and that's just what happens when you actually pay attention to the present, you save it forever in the past.

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