One of my friends is about to have his 20th birthday, and he is panicking because he’ll no longer be a teenager. I remember that same feeling from last year when I turned 20, that lingering melancholy and a bit of fear of what's to come. It’s funny now actually for I rather love saying what age I am, it fills me with a certain thrill because, when I was younger I dreamt of a kind of life I wanted to have, a purpose, a particular personality, a certain type of wardrobe, a drive. I am excited about the future, but for the past few weeks (as you can read in past entries) I have been reminiscing about the past, and past friends, past romances, past ideals, past memories of what I was, and how the world I wanted seemed so unreachable, how I felt so small, how I wanted to be someone else... and I did, I became the person I am now, and I’m still the person I used to be. We are always changing for better or for worse, we are constantly evolving, learning and moving on. I loved being a teenager, the excitement, the hormones, being emotional for everything, looking for causes to be part of, that longing of looking for your place in the world, all of that was amazing, but I don’t want to do it again, I don’t to regress. I want new stories, the kinds that leave you thinking for days, I want to fall in love with new amazing people, without forgetting the ones that I still love, I want to laugh of new nonsensical situations, I want to write about who I am, while discovering it myself, and I want to create great pieces of fiction and art, and fashion, for I crave it so much.

The future is terrifying because we don’t know what it is, and that’s ok, some of the greatest things and feelings in the world start off that way, we just have to brace ourselves and just think “Whatever happens, happens”.