Piano tiles

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

I recently searched for the definition of sadness, and it is described as an emotional pain characterized by feelings of loss, despair, helplessness, disappointed and sorrow.

I have been feeling sad for a few days now, and I am unable to snap out of it how I usually do with going to my favourite café or listening to my favourite music or watching my favourite movie. I talked to a dear friend of mine about this and she told me that I am a writer, that I must be aware that there are highs and lows, that in some instances my feelings are going to be sensitive, and that I must know that this is just a phase of which I should take advantage, that I don’t know if in a week I’ll be able to feel this sadness again. That sometimes it is good to enjoy sadness while I wait for happiness or just piece.

I’ve been struggling with this idea since yesterday evening, and my struggle grew stronger with the dream I had last night.

The origin of my sadness I really cannot tell what it is, but the thing that made it worse (my dream last night) is the longing I have for two different girls… The one who got away, and the one platonic one. The problem with my dream is that I don’t know with which one I dreamt (or if it was a combination of both) nor I know what it means. Don’t get me wrong the dream was perfect, I felt how much she loved me, it was as if she had been waiting for me as much as I had been waiting for her, and I wanted nothing more from the world, that was it, the dream, but I woke up, and it was like getting something ripped out of me, and all I want is to go back to that… For the first or second time, I actually want to live in a dream. But my own peculiar cleverness gets me thinking, and I don’t want to live in a dream, I want for that dream to turn real.

But the echo’s of those moments that did not happen fly around my head, they ripple in my thoughts, and I can’t help but miss that which never was.

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